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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?